ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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