I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
