4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
