Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize