I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
