He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
