Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
