There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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