marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
