Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
