Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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