i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
