i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
