The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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