She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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