hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
