ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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