I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My balls are so social today.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
