Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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