I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
