we have pet lesbian snakes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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