i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize