i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize