oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
