I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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