is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize