Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
