Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
