I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
