May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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