Can i not drive my cunt home
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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