so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
