someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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