pop tarts are not kleenex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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