Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
