just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
