maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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