If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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