just tell him i said nine months
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
