were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
