I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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