i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize