I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
