Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
