Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
