On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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