Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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