guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
