piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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