what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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