You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
