remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
