There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
