i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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