you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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