Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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