dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
