The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize