There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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