if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
