He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
