I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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