I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
