Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
