got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
