I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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