I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize