i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
