Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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