He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
