So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
