i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
