i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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