They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
