I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
